Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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