so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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