how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
