my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't put those talents on a resume
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
