I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
