I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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