Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
