theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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