Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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