Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I want is dick and wine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize