You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
