Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
