i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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