I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
