i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
