Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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