If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
