Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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