you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
