My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
