SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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