So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
