Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize