2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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