you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I had to cum in my sink.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
