I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
