I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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