and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize