i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
