i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
