I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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