she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
