i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize