i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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