I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
