New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
