I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
