he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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