Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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