Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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