evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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