My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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