for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
