were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
