i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
