I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
where does the pee come out of this thing
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
