He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize