I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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