Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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