The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
