im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
