I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
