I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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