I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
