I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
