woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
