Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
