Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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