its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
