Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
