think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
