I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
