when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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