My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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