Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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