Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
