I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize