If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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