i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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