I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
