Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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