Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
