My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize