There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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