bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
