grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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