Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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