Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
