why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
foreskin is a definite game changer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
