I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
