You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
