Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
