Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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