Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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