i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He uses pillows to masturbate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
