it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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