I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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