People in love make me want to vomit
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
