I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
