FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
