They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
