my vag is so smooth its legendary
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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