My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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