Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
