We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
