I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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