saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
