My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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