What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
