Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I faked an abortion last night.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
