it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
