Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
