Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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