I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize